To Listen
by Whitney Reed

Listening

Yesterday one of my friends' brothers died suddenly in a car accident.

It was devastating…of course…and I wanted to provide emotional support in any way that I could.

As I was contemplating how to support him during this intense time of loss and processing my thoughts with another friend, I realized that he probably just simply needed someone to listen.

Someone to listen….

And that is the blog topic of this week “Listening”

How often do we TRY to help by giving advice or making massive efforts to “make” that person feel better? 

Yet we forget to simply listen and to allow the healing process to unfold on it’s own. 

How many times have you reached out to someone to share something vulnerable and that person bombards you with advice before you get a chance to finish?

Then you walked away feeling unheard?

What would deep listening look like for you? What would you need to feel heard?

I encourage you to take a moment to contemplate this and maybe even journal about it for a bit.

Then maybe write down a few times in your life you have felt seen and heard by a friend and a few times you have not…

Psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, recasts mindful listening as “receiving empathically.” Receiving empathically requires us to really hear what others are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting. He defines empathy as “emptying our mind and listening with our whole being.” 

Emptying our minds to fully be present with someone else while they are sharing with us is not always easy. How do you personally find this deeper listening?

As Tara Brach the meditation teacher states:

“Listening is more than a communications skill, it is a capacity that arises from receptive presence and awakens our awareness. As we learn to listen inwardly, we begin to understand and care for the life that is here. And as we listen to others, that same intimacy emerges.

I want to end this blog contemplation with a poem called “Awareness” which speaks to that emptying our chattering minds to embrace a deeper listening.”

Below is a series of videos and practices from Tara Brach that are helpful resources for learning to listen. https://www.tarabrach.com/listening/

I would like to end this blog with a poetry offering that depicts the skills of listening.

Awareness

Awareness-

her gaze is so constant,

our every move

watched

with such affection,

a ceaseless vigil

without condition

or agenda,

silent,

patient,

unrelenting in her

embrace.

There is endless room in

the heart of this lover,

infinite space for whatever

foolishness we may

toss her way.

But she is also

crafty, this one-

a thieft who will steal away

everything we ever cherished,

all our beliefs,

all our ideas,

all our philosophies,

until nothing is left

but her shimmering

wakefulness,

this simple love

for what is.

By: John Austin